[ Steve hardly sleeps nowadays. Not that he ever actually had a healthy sleep schedule, but ever since the original snap, something always manages to keep him up. Initially it had been the guilt. The helplessness at being unable to fix or do anything to really, truly help others. He helped with the clean up as much as he could, and he tried to restore order wherever he could manage, but ultimately it was never enough. How could it, when so many people had just been wiped out?
Even after everyone is back, though, the sleeplessness continues. The serum makes it easy for him to go without sleep for long stretches of time before he has to at least nap for a few hours, but that's as far as he can get. There's guilt again that lingers, but it's for different reasons. He thinks of Natasha. He thinks of Tony. He thinks of their deaths, at how unfair it is that they're gone while everyone else is back. He knows they would do it again in a heartbeat - whatever it takes, they had all promised - but the unfairness of it all is sometimes too much to bear.
So, he busies himself. He helps in clearing up the debris at the compound, he works with Bucky, Sam, and Wanda as they try to help the world re-adjust. It helps him keep busy, and it helps in feeling like he's at least doing something so that the sacrifice that had been done hadn't been in vain.
Tonight he's in his room, though, failing yet again at attempting to sleep. Bucky had threatened to find a way to knock him out so that he could get some rest, so he had figured he'd give sleep a try even if he had already known that it wouldn't work. For a moment he thinks he's dreaming, though, when he hears the faint beeping and when he sits up to try to find the source, his heart feels like it stops when he sees the blue light.
No, he thinks. This isn't possible. He's dreaming. He's--
Here. Tony is in his room. A hologram version of him, but it's him and Steve breathes out a chuckle under his breath that seems to get caught in his throat. ]
...yeah. It's a little bit of a shock.
[ Understatement of the year. His throat feels unnaturally dry, but he tries to ignore it as he moves to sit at the foot of the bed. He knows this isn't real, but he looks so damn real that for a moment he's tempted to reach out for him. ]
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Even after everyone is back, though, the sleeplessness continues. The serum makes it easy for him to go without sleep for long stretches of time before he has to at least nap for a few hours, but that's as far as he can get. There's guilt again that lingers, but it's for different reasons. He thinks of Natasha. He thinks of Tony. He thinks of their deaths, at how unfair it is that they're gone while everyone else is back. He knows they would do it again in a heartbeat - whatever it takes, they had all promised - but the unfairness of it all is sometimes too much to bear.
So, he busies himself. He helps in clearing up the debris at the compound, he works with Bucky, Sam, and Wanda as they try to help the world re-adjust. It helps him keep busy, and it helps in feeling like he's at least doing something so that the sacrifice that had been done hadn't been in vain.
Tonight he's in his room, though, failing yet again at attempting to sleep. Bucky had threatened to find a way to knock him out so that he could get some rest, so he had figured he'd give sleep a try even if he had already known that it wouldn't work. For a moment he thinks he's dreaming, though, when he hears the faint beeping and when he sits up to try to find the source, his heart feels like it stops when he sees the blue light.
No, he thinks. This isn't possible. He's dreaming. He's--
Here. Tony is in his room. A hologram version of him, but it's him and Steve breathes out a chuckle under his breath that seems to get caught in his throat. ]
...yeah. It's a little bit of a shock.
[ Understatement of the year. His throat feels unnaturally dry, but he tries to ignore it as he moves to sit at the foot of the bed. He knows this isn't real, but he looks so damn real that for a moment he's tempted to reach out for him. ]
You really prepared for everything, didn't you.