[ Although Tony isn’t exactly pleased with having to stay on bedrest for a full week, he doesn’t fight the order as much as he generally would. It’s partly because of how weak his body still is, and how easy it is to get tired in the days that follow after landing back home, but it’s also because he knows this will be the fastest way for them to be able to leave. He just wants to leave. Rhodey and Pepper visit his room, everyone tries to keep him as distracted as possible, but Tony just feels too detached from it all. Sure, it’s partly because he’s still tired and sore as hell even after sleeping more than he ever would, but it’s also the grief that he feels crushing him from time to time. It comes in waves, sometimes taking him by surprise and leaving him wanting to sleep for hours on end just to avoid it all because the last thing he wants to do is be here. After all, it’s hard to be thankful to be alive, to have been saved twice when he should have died in space twice). He’s not the one that should have been spared, he keeps thinking. He shouldn’t be here.
Steve’s surprise helps to improve his mood, though. It’s completely unexpected to see the room change the way it has been, and at first Tony is rendered speechless. He had expected a new room, but not the paint job that Steve had done. It’s not only beautiful, but it helps to give the illusion that he’s not in the compound, or confined to a bed and a room that he doesn’t want to be in. When he thanks Steve for what he did, it’s sincere and he finds himself sleeping and even resting a bit easier after that.
Being able to use his devices also helps, but at the same time his level of detachment with it all shows when he hardly uses them even when he reaches that milestone. Especially when morbid curiosity gets the best of him, and he scans through the news to see just how bad things are out there. The chaos, the despair as the world also mourns all those that are gone. Pepper had already assured him that all his different foundations are doing something to help, but it doesn’t feel like enough.
He knows there isn’t ‘enough’ anymore, though. Not after what happened.
When he’s allowed to get out of bed, the first thing he does is lock himself in the bathroom so he can properly shower. It’s fast, and thankfully the bathroom has a bench in the shower so that it’s not so difficult, but he just needs it for his sanity. By the time he emerges, he still looks like a mess between his hair being almost unruly from how much it has grown since Thanos first arrived, and his beard is now getting lost in the stubble on his face, but whatever. He feels better just being able to wear clean clothes after a shower, and that’s enough.
By the time the team meets, Tony just listens silently as he ignores the bowl of broth in front of him. Suggestions are thrown around on what they can do, but Tony stays silent through the entire exchange. Especially when suddenly they start talking about leaving to go after Thanos, and he knows exactly what that means. His best friend and his husband will both have to go fight the man that had already taken his son away. What if he gets them, too? What if...
Rhodey notices the quiet panic that crosses his face - it’s something he has gotten good at in the last two years, whenever his anxiety attacks would threaten to take over - and helps him out to the courtyard as quietly as possible in the wheelchair that Tony had thoroughly refused just two hours ago. The fresh air helps to ground him before his heart starts to feel like it’s going to burst out of his chest, and when Steve comes out to check on him he has managed to breathe again.
“It’s fine,” he tells him before Steve can say anything. He knows he needs to go. He knows they have to try. If he could go, he would offer to go, but he also knows he’d be a liability right now instead of being able to actually help. And, well, it doesn’t help that just the idea of getting back on a ship makes his hands get clammy and shaky, so he knows he has to stay behind.
“Just make sure you come back,” he reminds him before Steve can get back up, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice as he says it, but it betrays him when he pulls him in for a kiss. It’s not goodbye, he tells himself. It can’t be. But, at the same time he can’t let him go without a kiss as if somehow that will guarantee he’ll come back.
After they leave, the wait is torture. Bruce tries to distract him, keep him company, but Tony locks himself in his room after a moment. Maybe waiting together would help, but he can’t do it. It’s as if he’s bracing himself for what can come, and the only way he can do it is by himself as he lays in Steve’s bed, wearing one of his hoodies, and staring out the window. He somehow manages to fall asleep at some point, and Bruce has FRIDAY let him in so that he can change his IV and keep ‘feeding him’ through the tubes he had been attached to, but he sleeps through it. It’s not until a nightmare hits him they he finally startles awake, just in time for the walls of the compound to shake as the ship is getting close to landing. Bruce shows up at his door just as he’s ready to try to hurry out, but he helps him onto the wheelchair instead to push him out. He’d argue it, but this is faster than how slow he’s moving and he has to drag the stupid IV pole.
When they make it outside, it’s just in time to see Rhodey walk off the ship, followed by Steve, and...okay maybe it’s a good thing he’s on the wheelchair because the relief would have probably knocked him down. Bruce gives his shoulder a squeeze, as if to remind him he can breathe again, but their relief is shortly lived when they can see the grim look on their faces. Thor is barely off the ship before he disappears again, Carol says something to Bruce as she walks up to them about how it didn’t work, and Tony just stays silent. What can he say? It’s done. It’s over. Thanos won.
Carol is saying something about an elixir that she has to give to Tony, promising it’ll help in giving his body a sort of boost so he won’t have to wait another seven days before walking more than a few steps at a time before getting winded, but Tony just nods blankly. His focus is on Steve as he walks over to him, and before he knows it he’s scrambling to stand so that he can rush over to him as fast as he can. It’s just a few steps, especially since Steve is also heading his way as fast as he can, and Tony throws his arms around him and buries his face in his neck.
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Steve’s surprise helps to improve his mood, though. It’s completely unexpected to see the room change the way it has been, and at first Tony is rendered speechless. He had expected a new room, but not the paint job that Steve had done. It’s not only beautiful, but it helps to give the illusion that he’s not in the compound, or confined to a bed and a room that he doesn’t want to be in. When he thanks Steve for what he did, it’s sincere and he finds himself sleeping and even resting a bit easier after that.
Being able to use his devices also helps, but at the same time his level of detachment with it all shows when he hardly uses them even when he reaches that milestone. Especially when morbid curiosity gets the best of him, and he scans through the news to see just how bad things are out there. The chaos, the despair as the world also mourns all those that are gone. Pepper had already assured him that all his different foundations are doing something to help, but it doesn’t feel like enough.
He knows there isn’t ‘enough’ anymore, though. Not after what happened.
When he’s allowed to get out of bed, the first thing he does is lock himself in the bathroom so he can properly shower. It’s fast, and thankfully the bathroom has a bench in the shower so that it’s not so difficult, but he just needs it for his sanity. By the time he emerges, he still looks like a mess between his hair being almost unruly from how much it has grown since Thanos first arrived, and his beard is now getting lost in the stubble on his face, but whatever. He feels better just being able to wear clean clothes after a shower, and that’s enough.
By the time the team meets, Tony just listens silently as he ignores the bowl of broth in front of him. Suggestions are thrown around on what they can do, but Tony stays silent through the entire exchange. Especially when suddenly they start talking about leaving to go after Thanos, and he knows exactly what that means. His best friend and his husband will both have to go fight the man that had already taken his son away. What if he gets them, too? What if...
Rhodey notices the quiet panic that crosses his face - it’s something he has gotten good at in the last two years, whenever his anxiety attacks would threaten to take over - and helps him out to the courtyard as quietly as possible in the wheelchair that Tony had thoroughly refused just two hours ago. The fresh air helps to ground him before his heart starts to feel like it’s going to burst out of his chest, and when Steve comes out to check on him he has managed to breathe again.
“It’s fine,” he tells him before Steve can say anything. He knows he needs to go. He knows they have to try. If he could go, he would offer to go, but he also knows he’d be a liability right now instead of being able to actually help. And, well, it doesn’t help that just the idea of getting back on a ship makes his hands get clammy and shaky, so he knows he has to stay behind.
“Just make sure you come back,” he reminds him before Steve can get back up, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice as he says it, but it betrays him when he pulls him in for a kiss. It’s not goodbye, he tells himself. It can’t be. But, at the same time he can’t let him go without a kiss as if somehow that will guarantee he’ll come back.
After they leave, the wait is torture. Bruce tries to distract him, keep him company, but Tony locks himself in his room after a moment. Maybe waiting together would help, but he can’t do it. It’s as if he’s bracing himself for what can come, and the only way he can do it is by himself as he lays in Steve’s bed, wearing one of his hoodies, and staring out the window. He somehow manages to fall asleep at some point, and Bruce has FRIDAY let him in so that he can change his IV and keep ‘feeding him’ through the tubes he had been attached to, but he sleeps through it. It’s not until a nightmare hits him they he finally startles awake, just in time for the walls of the compound to shake as the ship is getting close to landing. Bruce shows up at his door just as he’s ready to try to hurry out, but he helps him onto the wheelchair instead to push him out. He’d argue it, but this is faster than how slow he’s moving and he has to drag the stupid IV pole.
When they make it outside, it’s just in time to see Rhodey walk off the ship, followed by Steve, and...okay maybe it’s a good thing he’s on the wheelchair because the relief would have probably knocked him down. Bruce gives his shoulder a squeeze, as if to remind him he can breathe again, but their relief is shortly lived when they can see the grim look on their faces. Thor is barely off the ship before he disappears again, Carol says something to Bruce as she walks up to them about how it didn’t work, and Tony just stays silent. What can he say? It’s done. It’s over. Thanos won.
Carol is saying something about an elixir that she has to give to Tony, promising it’ll help in giving his body a sort of boost so he won’t have to wait another seven days before walking more than a few steps at a time before getting winded, but Tony just nods blankly. His focus is on Steve as he walks over to him, and before he knows it he’s scrambling to stand so that he can rush over to him as fast as he can. It’s just a few steps, especially since Steve is also heading his way as fast as he can, and Tony throws his arms around him and buries his face in his neck.
He’s home, he reminds himself. He’s back. ]