imaginatus | endgame open post

[ ooc: Part I — Reuniting

A lot happens during the week Tony is confined to bed rest.

That first day, after Tony tells Steve he loves him, Steve confirms the timeline with Bruce. Seven days minimum of bedrest, otherwise moving him could prolong Tony's recovery by weeks.

Day two, Tony is still sleeping through most of the day. When he wakes up, Steve usually isn't there, though FRIDAY quickly informs him that Captain Rogers is currently in a nearby room, working on something that she's been instructed not to explain.

Day three, Steve is back and he spends the whole day in Tony's hospital room. He has a tablet with him — one of the ones Tony gave him two years ago, with access to FRIDAY's knowledge base.

Day four, Steve is excited in the morning, because the paint in the other room has finally aired out, and he move Tony to it. Bruce is there too, to help, as they wheel Tony from one room to another, along with all the machines that come with him. Leaving the medical wing, they head toward a room that Tony had originally designed as an office, with beautiful floor to ceiling windows that look out across the trees and the lake. Steve has removed all the furniture in the room and painted the walls to match the forest outside.

Day five, Tony's well enough to start using his devices, even if eating is still hard. Steve also wheels another medical bed into the room, and declares that he's sleeping there now.

By day seven, Tony's finally able to walk short distances if he sits often and carries around his IV. That's when the rest of the Avengers and Captain Marvel assemble for the first time, and go through their options. The short of it is: there aren't many. ]

[ Although Tony isn’t exactly pleased with having to stay on bedrest for a full week, he doesn’t fight the order as much as he generally would. It’s partly because of how weak his body still is, and how easy it is to get tired in the days that follow after landing back home, but it’s also because he knows this will be the fastest way for them to be able to leave. He just wants to leave. Rhodey and Pepper visit his room, everyone tries to keep him as distracted as possible, but Tony just feels too detached from it all. Sure, it’s partly because he’s still tired and sore as hell even after sleeping more than he ever would, but it’s also the grief that he feels crushing him from time to time. It comes in waves, sometimes taking him by surprise and leaving him wanting to sleep for hours on end just to avoid it all because the last thing he wants to do is be here. After all, it’s hard to be thankful to be alive, to have been saved twice when he should have died in space twice). He’s not the one that should have been spared, he keeps thinking. He shouldn’t be here.

Steve’s surprise helps to improve his mood, though. It’s completely unexpected to see the room change the way it has been, and at first Tony is rendered speechless. He had expected a new room, but not the paint job that Steve had done. It’s not only beautiful, but it helps to give the illusion that he’s not in the compound, or confined to a bed and a room that he doesn’t want to be in. When he thanks Steve for what he did, it’s sincere and he finds himself sleeping and even resting a bit easier after that.

Being able to use his devices also helps, but at the same time his level of detachment with it all shows when he hardly uses them even when he reaches that milestone. Especially when morbid curiosity gets the best of him, and he scans through the news to see just how bad things are out there. The chaos, the despair as the world also mourns all those that are gone. Pepper had already assured him that all his different foundations are doing something to help, but it doesn’t feel like enough.

He knows there isn’t ‘enough’ anymore, though. Not after what happened.

When he’s allowed to get out of bed, the first thing he does is lock himself in the bathroom so he can properly shower. It’s fast, and thankfully the bathroom has a bench in the shower so that it’s not so difficult, but he just needs it for his sanity. By the time he emerges, he still looks like a mess between his hair being almost unruly from how much it has grown since Thanos first arrived, and his beard is now getting lost in the stubble on his face, but whatever. He feels better just being able to wear clean clothes after a shower, and that’s enough.

By the time the team meets, Tony just listens silently as he ignores the bowl of broth in front of him. Suggestions are thrown around on what they can do, but Tony stays silent through the entire exchange. Especially when suddenly they start talking about leaving to go after Thanos, and he knows exactly what that means. His best friend and his husband will both have to go fight the man that had already taken his son away. What if he gets them, too? What if...

Rhodey notices the quiet panic that crosses his face - it’s something he has gotten good at in the last two years, whenever his anxiety attacks would threaten to take over - and helps him out to the courtyard as quietly as possible in the wheelchair that Tony had thoroughly refused just two hours ago. The fresh air helps to ground him before his heart starts to feel like it’s going to burst out of his chest, and when Steve comes out to check on him he has managed to breathe again.

“It’s fine,” he tells him before Steve can say anything. He knows he needs to go. He knows they have to try. If he could go, he would offer to go, but he also knows he’d be a liability right now instead of being able to actually help. And, well, it doesn’t help that just the idea of getting back on a ship makes his hands get clammy and shaky, so he knows he has to stay behind.

“Just make sure you come back,” he reminds him before Steve can get back up, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice as he says it, but it betrays him when he pulls him in for a kiss. It’s not goodbye, he tells himself. It can’t be. But, at the same time he can’t let him go without a kiss as if somehow that will guarantee he’ll come back.

After they leave, the wait is torture. Bruce tries to distract him, keep him company, but Tony locks himself in his room after a moment. Maybe waiting together would help, but he can’t do it. It’s as if he’s bracing himself for what can come, and the only way he can do it is by himself as he lays in Steve’s bed, wearing one of his hoodies, and staring out the window. He somehow manages to fall asleep at some point, and Bruce has FRIDAY let him in so that he can change his IV and keep ‘feeding him’ through the tubes he had been attached to, but he sleeps through it. It’s not until a nightmare hits him they he finally startles awake, just in time for the walls of the compound to shake as the ship is getting close to landing. Bruce shows up at his door just as he’s ready to try to hurry out, but he helps him onto the wheelchair instead to push him out. He’d argue it, but this is faster than how slow he’s moving and he has to drag the stupid IV pole.

When they make it outside, it’s just in time to see Rhodey walk off the ship, followed by Steve, and...okay maybe it’s a good thing he’s on the wheelchair because the relief would have probably knocked him down. Bruce gives his shoulder a squeeze, as if to remind him he can breathe again, but their relief is shortly lived when they can see the grim look on their faces. Thor is barely off the ship before he disappears again, Carol says something to Bruce as she walks up to them about how it didn’t work, and Tony just stays silent. What can he say? It’s done. It’s over. Thanos won.

Carol is saying something about an elixir that she has to give to Tony, promising it’ll help in giving his body a sort of boost so he won’t have to wait another seven days before walking more than a few steps at a time before getting winded, but Tony just nods blankly. His focus is on Steve as he walks over to him, and before he knows it he’s scrambling to stand so that he can rush over to him as fast as he can. It’s just a few steps, especially since Steve is also heading his way as fast as he can, and Tony throws his arms around him and buries his face in his neck.

He’s home, he reminds himself. He’s back. ]

[ Just make sure you come back. Steve is kneeling in front of Tony then, his knees up against the footrest of the wheelchair. His hands are tight around Tony's. Steve nods in response. He's determined to come back, determined for this not to be the last time he sees his husband again.

Then Tony pulls him in for a kiss — their first one in over two years — and Steve can't help but wrap his palm around Tony's jawline and pull him in closer still. It's not what he expected to happen, and he doesn't linger there as long as he wishes he could, but with that kiss, Steve knows: this can't be the last time. It can't be.

The trip to space itself would've been beautiful, if Steve's mind hadn't been set on one series of events: killing Thanos, getting the stones, and bringing Peter and the millions like him, back. The trip back, however, is just as grim. Sure, they'd killed Thanos, but he'd already destroyed the stones. He'd already destroyed their only way of saving everyone they'd lost. No matter how they thought about it, there was no way around this. No ideas. No tricks. Nothing.

When Steve steps off the ship and sees Tony — with both an expectant and relieved look in his eyes — he feels a cocktail of relief and guilt. He tried, they all did, and it hadn't made any difference. He couldn't bring their son back. But as soon as Carol is done talking about her elixir, Steve can't wait any longer, and soon enough, Tony is in his arms again. He holds him as closely as he can, one hand cradling the back of Tony's neck as Steve turns into Tony. ]

He destroyed the stones. [ Steve whispers it with a pain in his voice. ] We tried, Tony. It still wasn't good enough.

[ Steve only pulls Tony in tighter after that. ]

[ He destroyed... His stomach feels like it twists painfully as the realization of what that means, his arms unconsciously tightening their hold on Steve.

It’s over. It’s truly over now. Peter is gone. Peter is...

Everyone in the group has lost someone they loved - it’s impossible not to, considering how many people disappeared. They had all lost. No one could be brought back now without the stones, and as much as Tony’s trying to think of plan B, there’s nothing. This was plan B, C, and D. This was supposed to fix it all. ]

I’m sorry. [ His voice is quiet, still not moving from his spot. He knows the feeling of failure Steve is dealing with. The helplessness, the frustration.

He pulls back after a moment, but it’s only enough to look up at him as he moves a hand to brush his hair back. It still surprises him how long it has gotten since the last time they saw each other, but this is the first time he’s allowing himself to run his fingers through it since their reunion. Hell, this is the most Tony has touched Steve in two years. ]

I’m really glad you’re back.

[ Some small part of Steve had held out hope that when he returns, Tony would know what to do. The two of them had called so many shots over the last decade that when Steve himself fails — the only other person he looks to, who could do better, is Tony.

But with that I'm sorry, Steve knows that this really is the end, and the weight of how helpless he truly feels seems to choke him. Steve can't talk. He can only hold Tony like his life depended on it. Like somehow, holding onto his husband could freeze this moment until they could come up with something — anything.

Tony pulls back just a little though and it takes a little coaxing for Steve to look him in the eye. There's a despair that has never been there before, and it's only when he feels Tony run his hand through his hair that Steve seems to even breathe again. But it's when Tony says I'm really glad you're back that Steve pulls Tony back into his arms again. From there, he shakes his head just slightly. ]

I don't de— [ It's a whisper that would've ended in deserve you, but Steve stops himself. There's no point in him saying something so depressing. Instead, he says something to help push him through this. ] We can't give up Tony. [ But given how Steve sounds right now, it's clear he has no idea what to do. All he has, more than anything else, is the guilt of a parent who's lost his child, and that irrational refusal to ever stop trying to reverse the impossible. ]

[ The despair that he sees in Steve breaks his heart. It hurts even worse because, as much as he wants to fix it or make it better, he doesn’t know what to do. This had been their chance. Their one plan, that Hail Mary, and it’s too late.

Still, when Steve pulls him back in and hugs him the way he does, Tony holds him with as much strength as he can muster. It’s all he has to offer right now.

We can’t give up Tony.

The words feel like they gut him, but Tony just nods slightly in agreement even if he doesn’t know what else to do. He has always tried to find another way, tried to find a solution. But what solution is there now to bring back everyone that had been dusted? Even with all his brilliance, he doesn’t know what else to do. ]

We’ll figure something else out. [ He hopes he sounds more convincing than he feels, and he turns his head just enough to give his cheek a soft kiss. There’s a knot in his throat that he can’t get rid of, but he speaks through it anyway. ] We’ll figure it out.

[ Even if it isn't true, even if there's nothing left to figure out, those are the words Steve needs to hear, even he knows deep down that Tony's just saying it to comfort him.

Then, he feels Tony's lips press against his cheek, and it lets Steve finally calm down. Regroup. Get his senses back again. As he takes a deep breath, his chest presses even closer to Tony's, but once Steve exhales, he's already starting to pull back, just enough to see Tony — and to let Tony really see him — this time. ]

Thank you.

[ After a moment, out of the corner of his eye, he sees the wheelchair that Tony left behind him, as well as a couple of other members of the team lingering around to make sure that they're both okay, and at that moment, Steve truly returns. There are a million ways he can be vulnerable when it's just him and Tony, but in front of the rest of the team, Steve has always felt the need to carry a specific kind of weight. Even when he doesn't have any himself, he needs to give them hope. ]

I'm okay. [ Inch by inch, Steve does look better now. ] I promise. [ Even if he does give Tony one more hug. ] Should we go inside?

You don’t have to thank me.

[ It’s said quietly, but the sincerity is clear in his voice. He wishes he could give him more, so much more than empty assurances and hollow promises, but Thanos has apparently snuffed it all out. He feels robbed, empty, but he’s doing his best to keep that buried so that he can offer Steve some hope.

He just wishes he could offer him at least some privacy so that he could let himself feel what he needs to feel. Tony’s so unapologetic about it when he has reached his limit, but Steve is more reserved. Controlled. Being exposed to the public for so long, he understands it, but he still wishes he could give him a safe space away from others at least for a minute longer.

Instead, he just remains close by even if he pulls back after their hug. ]

Yeah. Sure. You probably want to change.

[ He guesses, anyway. He doubts he wants to stay in his uniform after what happened. ]

[ Steve nods. Yes, a change in uniform would be a good start.

There's a small, quiet moment too before any of them start moving when Steve is looking at Tony, and he desperately wants to kiss him — not out of lust, but out of gratitude that despite all that has happened, Tony's still alive. It's what he would do if this world was only the two of them, and every time he or Tony survives a mission, all that they needed to celebrate was that both of them were still here.

But Pete is gone, and as much as the two of them love each other, they still haven't kissed for over two years. As much as Steve wants to now, it isn't the time.

So while he nods, he can't help but give Tony a meaningful look that aches in a way he hasn't been able to express. Soon after, however, Steve moves them so he's in a better position to help Tony back to his chair. If Tony can walk and would prefer to, Steve will help him the entire time. But if it's obvious Tony shouldn't walk, then he'll help him back into the chair, and take over pushing it back into the compound. ]

[ Tony’s regularly reminded that, although he may still not be as open to Steve as he once was, he misses him. He still misses him. It’s crazy, considering he spent two years trying to convince himself to move on, but apparently the world ending is enough to gut him up and make him realize that he misses him more than he ever truly let himself realize.

When Steve looks at him with those eyes of his, Tony feels his heart twist. Tony feels so damn empty that he doesn’t know how to console him, how to fix this or help him, and he hates that so damn much that for a moment it feels like there’s a boulder in his throat, making it hard to swallow. Thankfully they start moving, which is distracting enough, and Tony focuses on that for now. Especially since he had used his energy to rush over to Steve, and now his legs are feeling a little wobbly again.

Ultimately, that’s the only reason why Tony doesn’t put up a fight when they walk up close to the chair and he just sinks into it. The rest of the team is licking their own wounds, and it helps for them to go off to their own room. Once they cross the threshold, Steve will probably be able to tell that Tony hasn’t been in bed since he got out this morning; instead, it’s Steve’s bed that show signs of the fact that Tony had been napping on it earlier.

And, well, he’s still wearing his hoodie. He’s more or less swimming in it, but he doesn’t seem to care.

Once in their room, he pushes off of the chair and, before Steve can move to change, Tony wraps his arms around him. Now that they don’t have an audience, he just wants to do this first. ]

[ How quickly Tony pushes off his chair to hug him again surprises Steve, in a good way. And now that it's finally the two of them, whatever shields he'd needed to put up earlier are already starting to lower — and he doesn't know how he missed it before, but: ]

Is that... my sweatshirt?

[ He burrows his face into Tony's shoulder then, touched more than anything else, by the fact that he's wearing it. Then, as he fully wraps his own arms around Tony again, he feels how much, truly, Tony is swimming in it.

It lets Steve breathe out his first laugh, even if it's a little stifled by the other emotions he's carrying. ] It's so big on you, sweetheart.

Yeah. [ The answer is muffled into Steve’s shoulder. ] Is that okay?

[ He already knows it is - Steve has dealt with Tony stealing his clothes since they were dating, even if back then they weren’t quite so loose on him. Tony’s question is more along the lines if he’s okay with him doing this again.

At the sound of Steve’s laugh, Tony can’t help but choke out a small laugh or his own. ]

I know. Doesn’t quite fit me like before, does it. [ He turns to him and presses a kiss against his cheek. ]

No. It really doesn't. [ He says, smiling even if his eyes are misting up a little. Now that they're holding each other again, completely in private, Steve just takes a few breaths in and out. He just needs to feel this — the living warmth of Tony's body, and the understanding that they can still laugh even if the world feels like there could never be light again.

Finally, though, Steve rubs his eyes into the fabric of the hoodie a little, so they're a little clearer with he lifts his head back up to look at Tony. ]

And of course it's okay.

[ He nestles his cheek against Tony's temple. ]

I always loved it when you wore my clothes.

[ Tony stays still, moving his hand gently along Steve’s back as they hold each other. Now that they’re alone, he wants to give Steve the time and the distance from others that they didn’t get out on the lawn. It’s easier when they’re alone, after all.

When Steve looks back at him, the faintest sign of a smile pulls at his lips. ]

Good. I...needed something that smelled like you while you were gone.

[ The admission is quiet, but very much there for Steve to hear. ]

I’m so glad you’re back.

[ At the admission, Steve smiles a little too, even if its pained. But Tony should be able to feel the way his lips curl against him. ]

God, I love you. [ He whispers, before he closes his eyes and for the first time since they killed Thanos, two tears overflow from Steve's eyes and roll down his cheeks. One of them drips down onto the hoodie. ] I'm so sorry I wasn't here Tony. I'm sorry I couldn't fix it. I'm sorry that I could've had two full years with you and Pete and I wasn't there. [ He's whispering the entire time and the apologies seem to just come pouring out. At the end of this, he knows that Bucky is gone too. That it was the family he grew up with versus the family he found — and that in the end, he'd lost them both.

He'd lost everyone except Tony, who, despite everything, is still here, holding him.

Steve buries his face back into the hoodie then, and while he's not in danger of breaking into any sobs, he can feel his cheeks getting wetter, and god, he'd really like for it to stop. ]

I love you, too.

[ His voice is quiet, his hand continuing to move gently along his back to comfort him. He’s ready to say something, but Steve’s voice stops him, especially at what he has to say. The apology makes him feel like it twists at his heart, and he hugs him as tight as he can. He wishes he could tell him it’s okay, and he could, but it’s not like it’s going to return the last two years. Their son won’t just come back with that. But Tony knows the helplessness and the grief he’s feeling after such a heavy failure, and his own eyes full with tears. ]

I know. [ His voice sounds choked and he nods slightly. ] If I could bring him back—... if I could give you that time back with him, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

I’m sorry, too. I could have called you, and I didn’t. I’m sorry.

[ What Tony says is so sweet that it's heart-wrenching, and at the sound of Tony's own choked apology, all Steve can do is nod into his shoulder. His eyes are closed tight, like somehow, that could stop the flow of tears that seem endless now.

At some point, he sucks in a breath, thinking that maybe he's recovered enough to talk, but he's so utterly wrong that he just buries himself into Tony again.

In the end, Steve does finally pull back, and uses the back of his hand to wipe away the wetness from his cheeks, and using his thumbs to brush at the tears on Tony's. ]

I'm so happy you're alive Tony. [ He admits, and there's pain there. ] That's what makes this so hard. I don't—... [ He wipes his face again as his eyebrows seem to wince before he says: ] I don't know how to grieve for Peter — [ Steve starts shaking his head. ] —and be so... grateful for you at the same time.

[ It's not that Steve has to pick between one or the other. He's feeling both simultaneously, and it's tearing him up inside.

And then, comes perhaps the cruelest question a parent can ask of themselves. It's one that has been floating around in Steve's mind ever since he saw the destroyed gauntlet. ] Do you ever wish, secretly, that it would've been one of us, instead of him? [ Because he does. It's so obvious that Steve wished that he could make a trade. That he could snap his own fingers and take Peter's place. ]

[ Tony lets him keep his face buried in him as he works through what he’s feeling, his own tears silently slipping past. When Steve pulls back, he reaches up to help wipe his tears as well, oblivious of his own until Steve’s thumb brushed against his face, and he can’t help but pause for a moment when he says he’s so grateful he’s alive. Not in a bad way, but Tony himself still hasn’t been able to allow himself to be glad to be alive. Every night he falls asleep wondering why he’s still here, why he was spared.

That’s why, when Steve asks that question, it doesn’t really ruffle him at all. It’s something he has been feeling the weight of since Peter disappeared in his arms, and for a moment he can feel himself being back in Titan. He can hear him, telling him that he doesn’t feel so good. He can hear him telling him how he doesn’t want to go as he clutches at him, as if somehow he could keep him tethered there for a bit longer, but ultimately he had just disappeared right in front of his eyes. He can feel the dust between his fingers, he can feel it burning in his lungs, and—

And he makes himself blink back to reality. To their room, the silence of it. There’s no ruins surrounding him, it’s just the compound. There’s just Steve.

Finally, he answers: ]

Every day. Every day I wish I wasn’t here so he could be. [ His throat feels so dry suddenly, but he keeps talking. ] ...I shouldn’t be here, Steve. I almost died. I should have died [ he corrects bitterly ] but the guy that had the time stone traded it for me. For some god damned reason I can’t figure out, he gave Thanos the stone so he could spare me when he was ready to end it.

[ He pulls back from Steve then so he can sit on the edge of the bed, his own survivor guilt finally coming to the surface. ]

All I keep thinking is that, maybe if he wouldn’t have done that, Peter could have come home. He’d be here, and he’d be okay. But he didn’t. He traded it, and why? For this? [ He shakes his head slowly, heavily. ] It wasn’t worth the trade.

Edited 2019-05-23 13:39 (UTC)

[ Tony goes somewhere. Steve can feel it in the way he basically stops responding, and while they've never experienced any trauma of this magnitude together, Steve still remembers the nightmares he used to pull Tony out of at night, and how panicked Tony could be when he came out of them.

But this isn't that. He can feel it in his gut, and before Steve would decide to wait it out, give Tony his time, he's already back and answering.

The answer Steve gets, however, is a lot more than he asked for, and given how much information Tony is giving him about what happened and how it's haunted him, it pulls Steve completely out of his own emotional mess.

When Tony sits on the edge of the bed, Steve joins him, but aside from reaching for his hand, doesn't ever interrupt. When Tony's done, Steve just thinks for a minute. ]

What reasons... could there be, for him to trade it? [ Better to ask Tony than to come up with his own theory. ] There has to be at least one. Otherwise, it makes no sense.

[ It feels wrong that Steve reaches for his hand, because Tony doesn't feel like he deserves it. Not when it feels like he's here when their son isn't - when Peter should be the one that should be here instead. ]

I don't know. [ The words sound pained, because this isn't the first time Tony has thought of this. It's one of the many reasons why his head is in such a dark place, why he hates himself so much, even if he has been doing a relatively good job not saying anything. ] He said it was the only way. But how can it be, when the stones don't even exist anymore?

[ He runs his free hand along his face, as if that will help him think but it's like every other time. Nothing comes to mind, and he hates it. ]

Without the stones, we can't undo any of this.

[ Steve doesn't have an answer for him, even if he's trying so hard to come up with something. But sadly, time travel isn't something that will even occur to any of them until years from now and only after Scott Lang shows up at the compound.

There's a lot Steve could choose to do right now. He could try to convince Tony that there is a meaning to it all. Or that even if the stone keeper hadn't given Thanos the stone, it could've been taken from them, or Thanos could have killed Tony and Peter anyways. But ultimately, Steve doesn't do any of those things. There's simply no way to know. And he wasn't there.

Instead, there's only one thing that Steve does know. ]

So we don't stop looking for another way.

[ He says it quietly, because deep down, even if there is no other way, Steve knows that he can't even just give up on seeing Peter again. ]

I...

[ He's not sure if this will help, but he has to say it. ]

Vision, before he died, he wanted us to just give him up to Thanos, so the rest of us could live. I told him that we're not in the business of trading lives.

Right now. I would trade. Mine for Peter's. So I could bring him back to you. [ Not us. Or me. You. Tony.

He doesn't actually expect Tony to object to this kind of solution, and maybe that says something about the massive guilt he feels for having left. But the point of him saying all this isn't to compare who between them is more willing to die for Peter. ]

So. If we both feel that way. Then we don't stop looking. We... [ It's hard for him to say this because he isn't ready. ] find some way of... dealing with this, us, our... [ Guilt? Grief? He decides then, not to finish that sentence. ] And then, no matter how long it takes. Whatever it takes. [ Their own lives included. ] And we look for a way. Until either, we're gone, or Peter isn't anymore.

[ It's a hard line. Maybe even a lifetime dedicated to anguish and grief, given the impossibility of their task. But Steve is willing to take it.

Some people move on. But not us. ]

[ Tony nods slightly, quiet as he looks down. It looks as if he's busy staring at their joined hands, and partly that is the reason, but he just feels so damn lost that it's hard to really think.

But then Steve says how he would trade his life to bring Peter here, back to him, and Tony shakes his head slightly. Because the idea of losing Steve, even hypothetically, fills him with dread and his grip on Steve's hand finally tightens. As if to tell him, no, I need you here. Please, please don't go. ]

Okay.

[ His voice is quiet, but it's very much there even if it hurts. For Peter, for Steve, he'll muster up whatever he needs in order to make it work even if right now he's filled with doubt. Still, he has to try. For them, he'll do it. ]

Whatever it takes.

[ He really doesn't expect him to object. At this point, he wouldn't blame Tony if his love for Peter greatly outweighs his love for his husband. But when he sees the shake of his head and feels the pressure on his hand, it's enough to make him pause. Steve knows that all of this would be infinitely worse if he'd lost Tony too. If it was him alone that had to handle what was left of the world. He imagines that the weight of that feeling could be the same for Tony.

After that, there's only a moment of stillness after Tony agrees, before Steve wraps his other arm around Tony and gently pulls him in. ]

For whatever it's worth.

I would trade my life. But I could never trade yours.

[ Not even for Peter. Not because he doesn't love him so severely that his heart seems broken without him. But because Steve could never pick between them. And he could never, ever, trade either of them for the other. ]

[ It’s amazing how much things can change in a week. When he had first arrived from being stranded in space, even in his weakened state, Tony wouldn’t have accepted this embrace so easily. He would have tensed immediately, would have almost tried to pull away within moments.

But here, now, when Steve pulls him in he moves close and buries his face in the crook of his neck. He both still can’t believe Steve doesn’t hate him for not finding a way to bring their son home, and he’s thankful for it all at the same time. He doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t think, but he just wants to get lost here for a moment. ]

I love you, Steve. [ Some part of him is still afraid he’ll leave again, he can’t help that after a two year absence, but... ] I love you, so much.

[ When Tony buries himself in that familiar spot, Steve instinctively turns his head towards him and breathes him in. He's missed this. God how much he's missed this. And he remembers too, how Tony had cringed at his touch just a week ago, and Steve just closes his eyes for a minute, thankful that he hasn't lost Tony too.

And then Tony says that he loves him, and like that. It melts his heart. It makes Steve wish more than anything in the world, that there was some way he could make all of this better. ]

Tony, I love you so goddamn much.

[ Steve's never quite said it like that before. But then again, over the last two years, and even after the Accords were proposed, Steve's changed in a few ways. His language at times is rougher — not any less charismatic, but the words he chooses to use are grittier. And he's stopped acting like he needs permission to do what he wants to do. After they fought at the hanger, Steve realized something incredibly important. There is no higher human authority. Not SHIELD. Not the U.S. government. There is only your own moral compass and ability to believe in people. As long as he follows that, he's appealing to the highest authority he knows. ]

endgame open post

Superhusbands Part II

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apparently i am awful

it’s okay i am too

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ummm did not expect this but here you go

;-;

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steve has one more thing he wants to do post-shower, so don't end yet :D

no problem!

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